6th
Joseph Croot is…
Why does everybody use facebook so much? Serious Question. Is the anybody under the age of thirty I know that doesn’t have a facebook? More to the point, why the hell is everyone hell bent on constant status updates? (So much so the next craze was Twitter - which from what I gather is only status updates. Sadly I have never used Twitter so it would be hypocritical of me to criticise it. Oh what the hell - it sounds shit.)
Let us be honest now, most peoples status updates are pointless and quite frankly a little pathetic. Some are even really pathetic. As a test, I’m going to go on facebook now and i’ll tell you the last three status updates that came through my ‘news’ feed. I’ll analyse them, and decide whether they were worth it. I will not put the posters names to protect privacy. I hope they are good ones…. (I’m gonna literally copy and paste so excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes.)
1)XXXXX thought his freeview box had died, scary couple of minutes!
2)XXXXX do i really have to pay the best part of £400 for a whippet?
3)XXXXX should really stop thinking.
Right so lets dissect these shall we. Person 1 states that their freeview box has died. Or at least they thought so. Do I give a fuck? Not at fucking all. If it had said that they themselves had died then maybe I would care a bit more. It’s a guy I know I will never see again, and I have only met a few times. So even if they had died, it would be of little consequence to me. I’d maybe spare a quick thought for the family, then get on with my day. And besides, If they had died, they would hardly post about it on facebook anyway. They would be far to busy sorting out their funeral.
Person 2 has the most unusual status update. This is from someone I call a ‘facebook friend’, i.e. someone I know but I have no real interest in and will probably never see again, yet that request came through, and it’s rude to press the ignore button if you’ve actually met them right? This time a friend of a close friend. I don’t understand this status, in fact, probably only a few people do. It’s clearly an in-joke. Again, this is of no concern to me, I really don’t give a fuck.
Person 3 has the most obvious cry for attention as her status update. It’s from - as you can probably guess - a girl. Although I don’t put it past some of the more ‘metrosexual’ guys out there to post shit like this. This being a brand new status there are no comments, but I’m sure within half an hour there will be replies such as ‘what’s up hun? xxx’ from their equally insecure friends. Rarely does the person reply with what the actual problem is, after all it’s far to personal for facebook, or else the post would probably read ‘XXXXX can’t stop thinking about how he cheated, is crying, angry and close to suicide…’. So what the hell was the point in this post? If you’re gonna be this ambiguous I really don’t give a fuck. If you’re gonna reach out to someone, give your close friend a call, cause again, I really don’t give a fuck. (Unless I’m the close friend of course).
So that’s status updates debunked for you. They are a load of old tosh aren’t they.
Now I was gonna leave my facebook rant at just status updates but i’ve decided to throw a cheeky short rant about the uproar over the facebook redesigns, which has happened twice since I have been using it. Remember last time? All the groups that sprung up such as: ‘One Trillion Against the New Facebook’, I Hate the New Facebook Layout’, and the classic ‘How To Get the Old Facebook Back’. They all seem a little bit like overreacting now don’t they? After giving it probably two whole days everyone had adjusted accordingly. And now I bet most people couldn’t tell me the difference between this and the old facebook.
It kinda reminds me of the first time they changed facebook and everyone started these groups. Kind of ironic really. First time they did a redesign everyone hated the new one as well, which we will call facebook.2. Everyone called for the original facebook to be restored. But then everyone got used to facebook.2 and grew to love it. But then they bought out facebook.3 and everyone went mad again, saying how much they loved facebook.2 so much more, the very version of facebook they had hated so passionately not so long ago. But the real question is: do they still love the original facebook better than facebook.2? Or have they grown to love facebook.3 better now?
Maybe we should all just be happy we have the option to have facebook and that we are not starving with AIDS in Africa. Wait a second… that sounds good… I feel a status update coming on….
